i am developing a strange feeling for some days.....its a feeling of futility, of going on doing things which men have done for eons, even those extraordinary things that have been done-are they new? but then even if i do end up doing some NEW, something that has never been done before....there is a sort of unrest within me, a feeling of letting this life go away like its not making any difference. would it matter a lot if i were not born on this earth? would it matter a lot if i were to spend the rest of my life in prison, or as a saint, or as ...?

may b i am taking too general a view of the world when i say such things. but one thing is true...i am not satisfied with the way things are....and the problem is i don't know what will give me that satisfaction. its like being on a quest where the object of search is not known, being on a path that takes one somewhere....where? i don't know about analogies anymore....do they matter any way. what matters by the way? do i matter, do what i do matters, does this whole creation matters? what the hell are we doing in this galaxy of million stars earning and spending and working and hoping and living and dying.....poof everything ends.

i have seen a lot of things, read about others which i have not seen, known others that i have not read. perhaps i also know whats lacking in those lives. perhaps i shud just drop it. perhaps i must shut up like others and go on with things.....would that matter though? what the fuck matters?????