yes....its been what - 3 years now. i did not feel like writing again in this blog - for many reasons. 1 was the lack of consistency i have shown for not visiting my blogs more often. another was that i did not want to somehow disturb the pristine past locked up in my blogs. but what the heck....i don't my mind bothers me so much anymore, now that i can almost shut it down in normal circumstances. i am still working on the abnormal circumstances part. we will get there.

right now i am here in my friends place waiting for that offer letter. i have interviewed and hopefully the end of the tunnel seems close. it better be coz i am totally fed up of applying for jobs. i had thought - phd and WAM jobs will be raining from the sky. what the..... and here i am almost 8 months into a job hunt and almost zilch! well, the jobs of the first 4 months got gobbled up by the recession. i had to literally start from scratch after hitting doldrums. but it was another experience i guess - looking for a job. i have sent my cv to at least 30 places if not 50. i wish things moved faster.

but yes.......i am done with all this. i want a job, i want money and i want to get on with the rest of my life. i have had almost everything put on hold coz of this phd thing. now that its done i want it all to move forward. in a way for the 1st time in my life my destiny ahead is not fully in control of me. but thats not so bad since i have been teaching myself lot more surrender lately. so here we are......

everytime i look at my blog i feel as if it had been yesterday that i had filled in something. but that doesnt seem to be the case at all. it has been more than 2 months since i wrote something on here. this only means that time is passing too fast for me. today is the last day of classes for the spring term. i took the last pics for the class i taught in this term - intro bio as its called. finally i have the bluetooth that gives me the freedom to do stuff like this. i should have brought my camera - but guess what - now i have this bluetooth razr which also has a camera. and with my bluetooth pda and bluetooth adapter for my computer and with my wireless bluetooth headset.....wwwwwoooooaaaaaaa - i am all set to let my gadgets talk and gossip and what not!!

and then i am going to europe next week saturday - i did not think of going anywhere else other than france when my room mate suggested out of nowhere that it would probably be a good idea to look around since its not such a big place. and he was right. the france benelux train pass should do the job for me. italy perhaps needs more time and so does germany and spain-portugal. but for now the most exciting thing is going to be amsterdam. i have busy with some background research into all these places and i seem to be set to carry out this trip of mine.

i would also be going to india - lotsa places for sure including delhi, allahabad, varanasi, ranchi, calcutta, chennai and bangalore. i still don't know when i would have the good fortune of going to the western part of india - bombay, goa, kerala - may be in near future. either way, this is what it seems to be for now.

i read most of the ayurveda books that i have and came to know some amazing facts. i realized that most of the anecdotal things that i heard in india about eating this, not eating that, this is good and that is bad have their root in ayurveda. i now know my body type and what would count as "prajnaparadha" or a crime against wisdom - something that would screw up my system. i also started taking some nice detox agents and they work well for sure. i hope the evolution goes on!

well, last time i ended up wondering about bluffmaster. as it turns out, i saw bluff master only last week so i should not have lost a lot in terms of flow of thought. i know it has been 3 months but then finally the throes of cold around me have mellowed down and infact today was the first time that i saw a sunny day third time in a row. although there is rain ahead in front of me, i am not getting shaken yet. spring is around for sure since i saw some amazing violet flowers yesterday and even saw buds coming out from plants in the evening where i had seen no buds in the morning. even my "money plant" is growing with increased zeal, now with the daylight saving time change behind me. the sun is setting after 7 and it is dusk till around 9.

either way, this term is over and its gone pretty good for me. right now all my course work is left behind me. i just have finish this thesis and then i have think of this big grant. otherwise i am cool. i thought it was time to do some serious reading so what do i do - well i get osho and arun shourie to give me company. i have to revive all this past knowledge of mine. and the best way for me to do it is to use my mind as i do with everything else.

but all this time, i sure ended up assimilating a few things and slowly but surely a long term plan is building up within me as to where things must go as far as my life is concerned. by profession i would be involved in cancer epidemiology but a greater good for as many people as concerned is what i am staring at. i don't know if it would too premature to disclose my dreams at this point but still a dream is a dream and i dream big most of the time. i am trying to dream even bigger coz there is nothing to lose - i have to extract as much as possible from this body and mind of mine. as for me i know that i cannot extract anymore happiness than i have already had. of course i have known that infinite bliss and i am also slowly moving towards that point where i would be in company of this joy and bliss for most part. its all happening concurrently and all that i have to do stems from this realization of mine.

my main aims are to slowly get to know myself - internally, externally, fully, mentally, physically - from every worldly aspect. i want to know the shakti of my body as clearly as possible and maa has been helping me in it for sure. coz that is what maa wants - for everyone to reach his/her own shiva. with maa with me shiva is but a short step away. it amazing how maa does her work. but that will come later. first i have write how maa can help one to reach HIM. this i will do with the help of something else that i like and probably good at - writing.

otherwise i have been expanding my gadgets - i know have lots and lots of memory - with a external hard drive of 250GB and a microdrive for my PDA which 8 GB i am all ready to play and store and download. but India does produce movies at an amazing rate and all GBs fail in front of its music production. i guess this is going to increase further in the face of the presence of increased nuclear energy.

yes energy is of primary benefit. if there is enough energy in a country and enough people are educated then nothing can stand now-a-days between a man and his money. you need the right combo of shiva and shakti working for you and everything around you will follow your wishes. i wish it happens soon for india and i am sure i will be a part of that happening........at least i want to!

i guess it was high time that i put in another entry. first of all happy new year to me and everyone else. it may be a bit late to say things like this but i had to say it once here. new year wasnt so smooth for me. i had to get past a lot of hitches to see my new year start in the right mood. lemme remember how i spent my new year......wine.....cigar. it was a good cigar. ann arbor has got a new smoky cigar place with a walk in humidor and stuff. so when varun came here in the last week of 2005 i decided to check out some cigars. i did a theory search on cigars the previous day........u know.......the usual stuff-how to light it and how to smoke it kinda thing and went ahead and did the practical. i guess thats how life goes on-learn theory aka google it and then go out and try it for urself.

lots of other things happening-seems like i will be going to france for my iarc study. and the things i have to do for the visa-thankfully its not as painful as the u.s. visa when i had to dig out documents that went upto 2 generations before me. it feels nice finally to be able to do things that i had always wanted to do....think about new stuff,design studies and find out what has never been found out before. i would be really happy if i would find out something totally new-that would be AWESOME!!

things are moving at a fast pace and seems that this the pace i would have to get used to. one things ends or hardly ends and the other thing starts-unending cycles and chains and bonds. and how much ever i earn seems to be less compared to all things i might need for myself. well modern capitalistic markets are supposed to work this way. if i get satisfied i guess i would become an anomaly.

by the way, i have started teaching and its kinda fun to know from backstage all the things which teachers did to get things into students all my life. now i am in the thick of things and know all the mind games people play to get and keep the attention of the students. either way, i feel that teaching is fun and being a good teacher sure is a skill on which one must work just as on a lot of the other things.

right now i am trying to download some international lounge music but the fact is that i havent heard some kinda music for a long time which i would just feel like going out and buying. i feel life was much better in india in terms of music because i could listen to all sortsa music and i could also get them in formats i love. but here there are only costly cds and limited choice unfortunately. i love those times music things although i guess i can get them online. i am going to do that soon. by the way that reminds me that i also havent known of any book which would blow my mind for a long time.

the previous one that i read was maximum city and it was pretty good. but books apart right now i am addicted to movies. i got this huge sony wega tv from best buy for new year and with my netflix membership i have an unending river of movies coming home to me everyday. some of the movies have been really amazing. actually some of the foreign movies have been out of the world.

other than that i have been exploring ann arbor and surrounding areas. the previous weekend i went to the detroit institute of arts to have a look at the sculpture show of two famous french sculptors-claudel and rodin-the ones which i really loved were the waltz, thinker ofcourse, sakuntala(that just blew my mind), abandon, maturity, implorer......whenever i would get a chance to get replicas of these i would not waste anytime in getting them. that apart i also have a few concerts lined up this semester including an arabian music festival and odisi dance performance. i am slowly realizing my penchant for arabian music, latino music and chants. i also got introduced to krishna das-wow! lovely bhajans.

by the way, the idiots guide to hinduism is a pretty good one. i will get a copy soon. even a hardcore hindu can learn a few things from there. i saw rog today....hindi movies are getting better. apaharan was also good. lets see what bluffmaster gets us! so those were the highlights. more later.

the final month for this semester has arrived and the snow flurries are finally making their way from up there to whiten the vision that will surround us for next 5 months probably. last year, thanksgiving day was the first day it snowed and this year it has been a week before. did someone say global warming? either way, its time to eat good things and feel cozy next to a heater. yes i finally did buy my 'state of art' lasko heater with its own remote. it does do me good esp. when i need some warm feet. last winter had been a killer with my toes always feeling cold. not anymore.......i am learning. and given the rise in heating prices all over the place (due to false inflation in costs by oil companies.....their profit histograms over the last quarter show it) its better to burn some cheap electricity than expensive gas. gas sucks....money i.e.

but other than that my finances have been relatively stable. although i have to cover up for a number of things-car insurance, things to be done to the car for winter etc. but i am not too worried-it might just be better soon. oh! by the way, the pda that i bought-dell axim is such a kickass thing. i created an alternative gmail address for my university mail since i was not able to sync with my computer coz of that SP2 thing of microsoft. but i have broken free from the chains of bondage imposed on me by microsoft by utilizing alternative technologies and things are working fine for now. i sometimes get the feeling as if microsoft is trying to control people's access to information since it can earn money from it. but information must sure be free - i am sure as a civilization we have reached that point where we can assure that. thanks to google that we now have all that we can access so easily and have 2.5 GB mailboxes....else we would have been stuck with 6MB hotmails and a lot of frustration and anguish. damn corporations!! thats the next movie on my netflix queue for sure.

either way, moving to more exalted things.......i ended up buying some patchouli incense sticks from a nice, high-priced shop called middle earth. and patchoili sure is wonderful. its supposed to reduce depression and anxiety and produces a warming and sensual feeling-yea! its an aphrodite too. but basically i love the smell. and i also got another cool thing-a fragrant oil burner-and the oil which i love-the birchwood fir oil.....mmmmmmmmm...........that smells awesome after you have come from a hard day's work. that oil was from whole foods-they also have some awesome bread by the way. the last thing i got was potato and onion bread and i ate up the big loaf in 2 days.

but these are the things outside........things have been happening inside too. i tried putting them here but i felt that they were too outsidy to be considered for this blog so they have gone into the more private blog. but my kali sits on my wall after i finished painting her-nirgun kali-thats what i know her as. nirgun-no gunas, no qualities-and then chop the head goes off..............HOT.

thnking of swans i did see a couple of swans the other day when out of nowhere, utilizing my new found freedom of having a car, i went for a drive down the main street of ann arbor to the west huron river drive. i will come to the drive later. first i went and had a look at the dam on the huron river and the huge reservoir.....and this is where i saw the swans. stately, majestic, royal....those are the words that first come to my mind when i see these amazing birds. but the huron river drive after that was good too. it would be fun to have a house there. i am gonna go back to this place soon, as soon as the trees change color. will come up with some snaps for sure.

other than that, at times i do get bogged down by mundane stuff that draws me down to more earthly matters. finally i guess i started the endeavour regarding the data analysis thing that is supposed to become my thesis. there's an amazing amount of information to be processed but i look forward to master this art since this is something that is going to lead to good times for a lot of people.

and this weekend maa will be complete and sitting on my wall reminding me of her just as i want her to. i managed to get the soapstone cone burner and the cones (made in auroville-the fragrance is opium!!) i also got a lotus shaped candle holder made with shells for burning candles at the puja place. now the next thing i want is a bowl-for home cleansing. i will get some sage and palm resin and cleanse the place probably every week. its so easy in india to get stuff like this.....go to the 'kumhaar' and get a earthen bowl for few rupees-but the good thing bout this place has become the bad thing since everything made by man has become costly and needs lotsa money. i have started loving the ambience in my house. i think i will get a conch shell which i can blow into and a bell and other stuff from india whenever i can. this is going to be hardcore!

the buddha thing is also going to be hardcore. i am going to get a fountain with some stones in it-actually that reminds me that i guess i should make one for myself. i will try for that soon. i think this weekend i am going to overhaul the whole look of the place in my apartment. i will work on the bookends and the racks. i ofcourse have to get a heater.....i have found a cool, remote controlled heating device which is going to be my best friend this winter. though sadly, as i realized the other day that a lot of people like this heater including me. the walmart store says its out of stock. :-( its kinda low which is what i want coz the apartment makes the feet cold since its empty below it and there's a parking lot.

right now i have started reading "to kill a mockingbird", a 'southern story' so to say. i don't think i want to make any comments bout it at the moment. but the plot sure is coming up. this month of mine is supposed to be the one in which i must spend time with myself-meditating, introspecting etc. etc. and i have been feeling a bit withdrawn for sure lately. inspite of all these tests which have come up i feel the need to go back to my warm cocoon of self. it also durga puja time. i finally did a good thing and bought some cool pair of shoes and a lovely corduroy jacket-something that i have always craved for. yea!! i have one now. i have no dearth of warm clothes. the winter should be nice. i guess that would be it for now. i wish i get to buy that heater soon though.......and i am looking how to make my own fountain now.HOT!

it has been quite a while since i came back to this place - i checked it up - it has been around a month. this place used to represent the idle musings of a wandering mind. not any more......my mind has been reined in by the forces that i have chosen for myself. the fall semester has caught up with me in full steam and spare times seem a fantasy in the deep end of a rabbit hole. lot of things have been happening for sure apart from the usual unending vicious cycles of assignments, readings and tests ad infinitum.


i have found love in myriad forms including in a form that belongs to the same species has mine. and as mornings become afternoons and afternoons become evenings in the blink of an eye, the experiences have been precious, the warmth all enveloping and the joy all pervading. it has been like the flight of two swans on a full moon night who soar high into the clouds and gather the pure lunar nectar bathed in the placid white light, all but brightening up the whiteness that represents two pure souls.

my tryptic is 2/3rds on its way to completion. the 1/3rd part starts soon and better should because since i ended up ordering the age of empires cd and that is going to make things tighter than they usually are. but it was in succesion to this wireless optical mouse that i ended up with and which was a pre-requisite for this game. i am waiting all over again to have some forts and palaces and some armies and trebuchets. its fun to conquer the known world and i loved death matches.


i am also waiting for buddha.....one of these days buddha gave me an impromptu visit during one of my impromptu meditations and pulsated in my being for quite sometime leading me to believe that he desires an entry in my life. but the stone buddha on which i had my eyes on was bereft of impeccable craftmanship which led me to defer the decision till i find a buddha suitable for my home. i am looking for a buddha with a specific hand pose or hast mudra......hand poses are so cool. one can convery so much just by positioning the hands in a certain way. to say of hand poses the last part my tryptic totally involves a hand position.....the position of hand that denotes granting fearlessnes. the other day it was fun......while on a look around for suitable buddha........we had these miniature ladybirds combat with each other in this cute shop. that reminds me that i have also to get this cone thing and a soapstone base for that. i also want to buy a fountain. yea!! wishlist, wishlist. also perhaps a humidifier and air ioniser. winter is fast arriving.

today was also the day i took my first baby steps on to freeway driving in usa. i wouldn't have done it but for an oppurtunity that i took on inspite of being reluctant about it. it was actually easier than i might have wondered and i guess a lot of my hesitation has been grounded for all future times to come. but what a sucker that the oil prices had to rise now. though compared to lot of countries including india its still quite less-may be less than or as good as bottled water which is amazing. guess i will try to be back whenever i can. HOT.