it has been quite a while since i came back to this place - i checked it up - it has been around a month. this place used to represent the idle musings of a wandering mind. not any more......my mind has been reined in by the forces that i have chosen for myself. the fall semester has caught up with me in full steam and spare times seem a fantasy in the deep end of a rabbit hole. lot of things have been happening for sure apart from the usual unending vicious cycles of assignments, readings and tests ad infinitum.


i have found love in myriad forms including in a form that belongs to the same species has mine. and as mornings become afternoons and afternoons become evenings in the blink of an eye, the experiences have been precious, the warmth all enveloping and the joy all pervading. it has been like the flight of two swans on a full moon night who soar high into the clouds and gather the pure lunar nectar bathed in the placid white light, all but brightening up the whiteness that represents two pure souls.

my tryptic is 2/3rds on its way to completion. the 1/3rd part starts soon and better should because since i ended up ordering the age of empires cd and that is going to make things tighter than they usually are. but it was in succesion to this wireless optical mouse that i ended up with and which was a pre-requisite for this game. i am waiting all over again to have some forts and palaces and some armies and trebuchets. its fun to conquer the known world and i loved death matches.


i am also waiting for buddha.....one of these days buddha gave me an impromptu visit during one of my impromptu meditations and pulsated in my being for quite sometime leading me to believe that he desires an entry in my life. but the stone buddha on which i had my eyes on was bereft of impeccable craftmanship which led me to defer the decision till i find a buddha suitable for my home. i am looking for a buddha with a specific hand pose or hast mudra......hand poses are so cool. one can convery so much just by positioning the hands in a certain way. to say of hand poses the last part my tryptic totally involves a hand position.....the position of hand that denotes granting fearlessnes. the other day it was fun......while on a look around for suitable buddha........we had these miniature ladybirds combat with each other in this cute shop. that reminds me that i have also to get this cone thing and a soapstone base for that. i also want to buy a fountain. yea!! wishlist, wishlist. also perhaps a humidifier and air ioniser. winter is fast arriving.

today was also the day i took my first baby steps on to freeway driving in usa. i wouldn't have done it but for an oppurtunity that i took on inspite of being reluctant about it. it was actually easier than i might have wondered and i guess a lot of my hesitation has been grounded for all future times to come. but what a sucker that the oil prices had to rise now. though compared to lot of countries including india its still quite less-may be less than or as good as bottled water which is amazing. guess i will try to be back whenever i can. HOT.

the previous week has been a fast one because of all sorts of different reasons.....most of them good i would say. the initial part went by almost like a dream. it was like a lotus in muddy flowers coz although these might be muddy days with the water of life churning and swirling around me.....times of transition-moments before the beginning of a new semester-but still the days have been mmmmazing.

either way i am raring to go for the new semester because this is my last one and this is the only thing that stands at the moment between me and my PhD-times for independent research. yes, nothing fascinates me more than independence and this is something i have been craving for for quite a while. my own space in my mind.....nothing entices me more than that.

lotsa other things-saw these amazing things and bought something good-a flute. yes, its so much fun to blow into it and transform one's breath into music. everything from nothing.......music from air. isn't everything like that. what the bleep do we know? yes, thats another movie that i ended up seeing and found it as close to what one can get in trying to use the knowledge that we already have to know the unknowable, in trying to use the mind to go beyond it. its amazing to know that people are finally rising up to these levels through external means-things that have already been done with internal means.

its difficult to give it all up.....but can't people see the futility. i saw a corpse today or rather a picture of it, floating in the waters that fills new orleans. it must have been a difficult death. but all of us would have to let go one day. all this we own, all this we know, all those we know.......everything would have to go. still people keep clinging on. there is something else related to this. since yesterday i have been doing menial jobs-mind numbing stuff. cleaning my house, getting things in order, laundry-although the results look fabulous and would definitely aid in the free flow of prana through my house- the effects on me are what i had been watching. and of course i have watched it before too. its much easier i would say to let go of the fruits of one's actions (karma yoga - 'seva' is another word for selfless work or voluntary service) if the actions performed are mind numbing ones-repititive stuff which doesn't require the active involvement of mind. but as soon as action becomes more subtle, involves more mind, get shakti closer to shiva-it is much more difficult to leave your attachment for it. and thus the most difficult to let go are things that we know i guess....our knowledge. but a day shall come when i would forsake that too. i want to be empty.....but before that i want to be really full!!! this is going to be fun. HOT.